I have the most amazing friends. Yes, I can brag about that because those relationships are some of the most cherished I have ever had the pleasure of co-creating. That doesn’t mean that there are not times that are filled with drama, tears, screams and even anger. We are people, living lives that are often filled with people that we wouldn’t normally choose to exist with in this world. Those are the times that my friendships are worked the hardest. Why do our loved ones die? Why do our soul mates walk away from us? Why do we not have a job that would fill us with passion and make our work on this planet fulfilling? Why? Why? Why?
I hear people say, “Look for the gift in that.” Find something that brings that into better light, that allowed us to grow, that changed our path or healed an old one. Look for the gift? Not all of us are able to find a gift in a moment that has brought us down to our knees and knocked the breath out of our lungs, silencing our screams. Not of all of us are able to look into a failed relationship and see the love we once got or gave. Not all of us are able to pick ourselves up and dance away knowing that there was somehow a beautiful gift in that experience. Sometimes we can and that is the easiest of the bridges to cross. Make that gift into your bridge and don’t look back until you are far out of the darkness.
Then I hear the ones who say, “I went through that exact same thing with so and so and I did this and it was my gift.” That’s great, I needed to hear your misery to feel like perhaps you are judging me as I am in the midst of mine. Can this be about me right now? Can I have this one moment that is not about you? It is never the absolute same thing, there is no way that it could be. You are doing you in this life, I am doing me. You and I are not clones living the same life and I never loved so and so. And that gift you say you got, that is not a gift to me but I’ll just not walk down that road with you right now while I am trying to breathe and get up and stuff.
So I lay there thinking what is it I can do? What in this moment am I willing to look at to change my position? Am I able to find some beauty in the moment? There is beauty in this moment. Although I am feeling beat up and breathless I am not willing to accept your life as mine. I am still thinking and feeling and allowing myself the absolute knowing that I will somehow get through this. There is beauty in that moment. I am not alone. That is beauty. I am never alone when I am hurting. There is always someone willing to pick up that phone when I call and let me be heard.
My dog comes to me. That is beauty. My dog is the most loving creature I have ever met and I am the recipient of that love. No one shares this love. Now I am filling myself up with the love I share with this animal. I am allowing myself to breathe a bit. I am feeling not so alone and I reach for my phone to call a friend. Just so I am not alone during this. I am now changing this horrible moment into a moment that I have filled with some beautiful memories. My dog and my friend and my self-love are now forever more a part of this moment. Six months from now when I look back, even this moment will bare a bit of beauty in it. It is now my moment.
We can change our memories by making sure we are aware of the beauty around us, that we notice the smiles we are given, that we notice the old couple holding hands in the doctor’s office, that we hear the children’s laughter at the pools or playgrounds and that we add them to all our memories purposefully. Live a life of beautiful moments, cherished days and purposeful love. Be a friend that hears and lifts up and not one that walks away because it’s not fun sometimes. Be the person who is a part of someone’s beautiful memories. Be a gift.